Midnight Thoughts

Gala Dinner HIMAPER Kabinet Carpe Diem berarti berakhirnya kepengurusan Kabinet Carpe Diem tahun 2016-2017. Aku adalah salah satu anggota Medinfo. Ya kerjanya tidak jauh dari ngedesain, ngepost, dan ngehandle media sosial HIMAPER. Nah, tema Gala Dinner kali ini adalah Fancy Black and Red Pertama aku datang, teman-teman aku menggunakan dress yang super duper fancy dan so pretty, I can't even ugh. Just. So. Pretty.  So kali ini aku didandani oleh teman aku Ika. (Merci Beaucoup Ika!) Aku mengenakan kemeja hitam, dan rok span batik, serta hijab berwarna light cream. I'm so sad that I forgot to take a picture of me alone. But here are some of the euphoria pictures of The Gala Dinner. Overall style-ku di Gala Dinner dan Kepala Departement Kak Chaca (Di tengah) dan Zara si Designer Himaper Medinfo Himaper (Minus Kak Sharah dan Kak Rama) Me with the Gorgeous Laras (Her Skirt is cute) Kahim dan Wakahim Carpe Diem.  Tim Humas  (minus

I can be cold-hearted like Pluto and so warm like Mercury.  I have the beauty of  Venus  and full of life like Earth.  But oh dear,  Life is not going to be everyday happiness  and all-night sadness.   I give hope like Mars for sure  and hold the ring of kindness like Saturn does.  I am the universe myself  I was made of galaxies  and shooting stars.  Everyone has their dark side, right?  That's why I keep a black hole inside of me.    But I promise you, I'll live happily like the sun.  Pinterest

It's November and everyday is raining. (well, Almost.) Siapa sih yang tidak suka melihat sweater-sweater lucu dan ankle boots, dan scarf untuk menghangatkan lehermu dan...dan...dan... Indonesia kan negara tropis, masa harus ke Tangkuban Perahu dulu untuk mengenakan sweater favorit biar tidak salah kostum. Thank God It's November di mana kamu bisa mengenakan sweater tanpa merasa salah kostum! So aku bakal kasih beberapa mix and match sweater yang bisa kamu gunakan buat hang-out bareng teman atau kuliah. 1. Maroon Sweater It's me! Ini adalah sweater favoritku karena aku cuma beli dengan harga Rp.100.000,- di  H&M  . Seperti biasa H&M yang selalu memberika sale hingga 70% atau buy 2 get 1, makanya aku bisa dapet sweater yang super comfy ini dengan harga murah. That's why this Swedish clothing brand always be my favorite. Aku mengenakan cotton wide leg pants dari  Zalora  yang aku beli ditahun 2016 (if I'm not mistaken) jadi aku lupa harganya ber

Dia Marlina, ada laut yang tenang di dalam namanya, tersemat di antara kunyahan sirih di mulutnya. Marlina, hidup sendiri dengan jasad suaminya. Setiap hari dia memeluk cintanya, ketabahannya sekuat geraman rahangnya. Dia Marlina, dengan lentik jari yang membunuh dalam empat babak. Yang membelai seorang bayi dengan jari yang sama. Aku menemukan Marlina dalam diriku, bersemayam entah di bagian jantung yang mana. Dia Marlina, memekikkan suara perempuan sepertinya, ketika tubuhnya tak lagi kuat menahan sakitnya, saat napasnya terengah-engah agar didengar. Keringatnya telah membasuh semua ketakutannya. Aku menemukan Marlina lain, tergores di setiap wajah perempuan yang kutemui. Aku mendengar mereka berteriak, hingga akupun ikut berteriak, untuk Marlina. Puisi ini saya persembahkan untuk para Marlina di muka bumi ini, yang mengharap keadilan ditegakkan dengan kaki mereka yang gemetaran.  #AkuMarlina

Her eyes are so bright like summer's sky but her skin is too pale like winter. Her name Summer, been living in this wicked world with a lot of things happened to her. But she'll learn, she's a fighter, she's a lover. The freckles on her cheeks may not be enough to count all of the day she had been going through without a new scar. She's not a model sized girl. She's quite tall with a light ash brown wavy hair falls perfectly on her back. She might has some darker color under her eyes, because she prefers watching a night sky rather than sleeping or she is just going to cry until dawn. There is no different. She learns to love someone, she's a lover, like I said before. But maybe she was not meant to be loved. "How could the perfect happiness came from the tears of our eyes?" She asked one day, she is still trying to find the answer. She is the seasons herself, sometimes she is so cold like winter and the next day, she is so cheerful like

I know it's not my very best of all, but I made it because I can't stop thinking about Harry Styles . Yes The Harry Styles. Please enjoy She closed the door of her room as I watched her walking out of our shared flats. We're just bestfriends and never hit on each other. We pulled pranks but never kissed. We cuddled through our favorite movies marathon but never fuck.  Once she cried because she saw me smoking and I asked her why. "It killed my father and I don't wanna lose you because of it. You're the only one I've got." She said.  I never touch that damn thing anymore. She'd been more quiet than before. That when I knew I have to give her more space. I followed her to where she wanted to go. She went upstairs. To the rooftop of our buildings.  She lit one of it. Menthol I believe, that she said she loved the smell of peppermint in my breath.  "Why?" i asked her. "I think One day I'll jump from this." She said. &quo

Aku bertanya pada hujan, "apakah tidak sakit ketika kau jatuh?" Ia menjawab, "tidak, karena aku akan kembali kepada-Nya."

Well actually this awesome jacket is the first thrift clothes I bought. I only bought it for Rp99.000,-  I love it! and addicted to wear it. Jaket ini memiliki motif yang unik, so vintage, with some geometric pattern. Aku memadukan jacket ini dengan t-shirt dari  Giordano  berwarna navy blue. Seingatku Giorgano selalu mempunyai promo beli 3 maka kamu bisa mendapatkan potongan harga. Aku mengenakan boyfriend jeans dari  Berskha  berwarna light blue, aku membelinya pada saat ada promo (YASH I LOVE PROMO) dengan harga Rp,159.000,- murah sekali kan?  Untuk kerudungnya, aku mengenakan kerudung segi empat dari  @Dianpelangi  , aku sangat menyukai kerudung dari Dian Pelangi, selain bahannya yang mudah diatur dan sejuk, kerudung ini juga tahan lama dan tidak mudah rusak walaupun sering dicuci menggunakan mesin cuci. Aku membeli kerudung ini sekitar 3 tahun yang lalu.  Both of these photos are taken by  @Sugabx  with my Nikon F50 + Xtra 800 

Masih ingat dengan one sentence challenge yang pernah aku adakan beberapa bulan yang lalu? Ini adalah salah satu diantaranya setelah sekian lama aku belum menemukan cara untuk mengembangkannya. Jika yang sebelumnya berupa cerpen, maka yang satu ini layak aku anggap sebagai puisi. Kalimat ini diberikan oleh kak @danimahmoed (instagram). "Aku ingin kecanduan akan rasa" Aku Candu Seperti endorfin bagi tubuhku aku kalap akan rasa padamu, aku tagih dengan gumpalan rasa  yang mempengaruhi tubuhku. Kepala yang berpikir terlalu keras untuk mengagumimu, jantung yang berdetak terlalu kencang ketika kau di sisiku, tangan yang kian bergetar harap cemas menantimu, kaki yang tak melangkah saat kau menghampiriku. Aku candu akan rasa

Let's talk about Swedish Fashion Industry. Senin lalu, Kedutaan Swedia bersama  Jakarta Fashion Week  mengadakan seminar tentang Swedish Fashion Industry - Sustainability up front and International from the start. Mengundang Swedish Fashion Council, Swedish Ambassador to Indonesia Johanna Brismar Skoog, and Michelle Tjokrosaputra (CEO PT Dan Liris). Seminar ini diawali dengan pemaparan tentang Sustainable Fashion Industry oleh Swedish Fashion Counci, untuk mencapai sustainability dalam fashion bussiness. In Swedish, the new business models are interested in rented fashion. Mereka menganggap orang-orang akan bosan dengan satu trend fashion dan tentunya akan berganti dengan trend yang baru. Jadi, ada beberapa jenis bisnis di dunia fashion Swedia. Lease & Rent, Subscription, serta Fashion Library. I know it's really cute. When you can rent something that you wear. Selain itu, dalam seminar ini para narasumber juga menjelaskan tentang kelangkaan bahan-bahan dalam f

Yeay! I am beyond happy and excited to be invited to Jakarta Fashion Week 2018. SO HAPPY! Ini adalah pengalaman pertamaku menghadiri salah satu  event  besar dalam dunia fashion.  Satu hal yang paling menarik bagiku adalah kolaborasi antara Kedutaan Swedia dan  Swedish Fashion Council  yang menampilkan tiga brand Swedia dengan tema yang simple.  I really really love Swedish fashion style. How they mostly use neutral colour looks more elegant but in the right way.  Mungkin juga karena aku juga suka dengan warna-warna netral dan monokrom. Before the show me and some of my new friends talked with one of the person from the embassy . Awalnya kita sedikit minder karena kebanyakan yang datang bergaya  glamour dan some of them even wore bright color that I always afraid to wear (lol). But then he said, “Don’t worry, in Sweden people love neutral colors. We prefer a simple fashion style and subtle.” And we were just like “Phew.” So let’s see some of my favorite from the runway.  Ah iy

Tas yang multifungsi satu ini pasti tidak bisa kita lupakan. Apalagi buat kita yang lagi kuliah. Buku yang banyak, dompet, charger smartphone , and every little things you need bisa muat dalam satu tempat. Sekarang aku akan bahas tentang outfit buat ke kampus yang keren banget dan tentunya nyaman buat beraktifitas seharian, and also don't forget your backpack!   1. Boyish Style with Leather Backpack      Nah buah kamu yang punya backpack berbahan leather bisa banget nih ke kampus ala Cara Delevingne. T-Shirt polos andalanmu dipadukan dengan outerwear berwarna hitam, dan pants bermotif kotak berwarna gelap. Jangan lupa sneakers favoritmu dan leather backpack kesayanganmu ya! 2. Chic With Backpack     Kemeja memang bisa digunakan dalam setiap kegiatan ya guys, kalau kampus kalian wajib menggunakan kemeja, coba aja style Dakota Johnson. Kemeja biru berlengan 3/4 dipadukan dengan pants hitam dan black loafer yang super nyaman. 3. Outerwear and Backpack Akhir ta

  Outfit kali ini cukup jauh berbeda dengan style fashion -ku sehari-hari. Aku diajak untuk berfoto dan menjadi mannequin (lol) but, totally a mannequin for a day . Dua orang seniorku yang memiliki ketertarikan di bidang fashion  (@dhiyaanadine) dan seorang beauty enthusiast (@dindaazzura) mengajakku menjadi objek foto bersama mereka. Semua foto ini diambil oleh @Sugabx (Instagram) also you can check out his portfolio:   http://sugabx.wixsite.com/photography Kali ini, pakaian yang aku kenakan cukup unik dan menantang menurutku, karena sangat bertolak belakang dengan style -ku yang menyukai warna-warna netral. Namun, aku sangat tertarik dengan project iseng ini. Aku mengenakan long sleeve t-shirt berpola stripes dan flare leg jeans berwarna biru muda. That jeans really had an 80’s vibes, and I love it! Outfit ini dipercantik dengan outerwear bermotif batik berwarna biru tua ( My favorite color ). Membuat style -ku kali ini terlihat berani!  Salah s

  Who doesn’t love dark blue color? Sepertinya di setiap lemari perempuan pasti ada saja pakaian bernuansa biru tua. Everyone loves that gorgeous color that can fit in every occasion right? Mau acara formal maupun untuk kuliah paduan warna biru tua menjadi pilihan yang pas buat kita. Di sini aku mengenakan jilbab berwarna biru tua dengan kemeja berpola stripes dari Bershka. Dipadukan dengan kulot berwarna mid-dark grey berbahan lembut. Outfit yang pas buat jalan-jalan santai di mall ataupun kuliah. Selain itu aku mengenakan slip on shoes dari divided H&M dan tas berwarna hitam. Simple but gorgeous!     Hang-out di mall rasanya kurang seru tanpa window shopping dan sekadar mencoba beberapa pakaian yang ingin dibeli tapi belum bisa beli. Namanya juga mahasiswa, butuh perhitungan untuk mengeluarkan uang. Jadi aku sempat mencoba celana berbahan katun berwarna light grey dengan lipatan pada bagian bawahnya yang membuat celana ini ingin segera kumi

To the girl who always smiling in her pictures, who loves book as much as I am, who enjoy writing as much as she loves mountains. May you find peace in every day of your life, may you smile in every pictures that you take. To you, Kak Nanan K. (check out her blog too:  http://thoughtsofnan.blogspot.co.id/  ) There’s always something about him. How his empty eyes sparkling underneath the moonbeam. We were escaping from our busy, crowded town. Catching those stars until we reached the hill. He was sitting beside me with a cigar in between his lips. It wasn’t lighten up yet until he asked me if I’m okay with it. I just nodded and watched him consuming those addicted poison. I always like it when a boy smoking. The looks of his pinkish lips biting that guilty pleasure thing. The smokes spell his feeling and blew away all of his problem for a moment. “Are you happy?” I asked him. “When?” He asked me back. “When you’re smoking?” “No.” He answered. “Then why are you smoking?”

Apa kabar rumah itu? Bertembok putih dan tanaman rambat. Nenek suka sekali duduk di terasnya. Apa kabar nenek? Terakhir kulihat rambutnya kian memutih Apa piano di ruang tamu masih berdenting? Kuingat warna tutsnya yang mulai menguning. Alunan nadanya menghantarkan kakek ke rumah abadi, serta hujan bulan Januari. Saat itu sehelai rambut nenek memutih, Membawa serta kenangan akan cintanya. Apa kabar kakek? Di atas sana, Tersenyumkah? Awan sore itu membentuk raut wajahnya. Kakek, rambut nenek makin memutih. Ia rasa, inilah saatnya.

"Go then!" Said he. "I won't!" I shouted. Tears started to blurred my vision. "This is the chaotic madness I've even been into. The feeling hurts but feels good at the same time. I don't even know what I am doing." I continued. And he started to walk away.

Beberapa saat yang lalu, saya meminta teman-teman di Instagram untuk memberikan saya satu kalimat yang nantinya akan saya kembangkan menjadi sebuah cerita.  Berikut ini satu kalimat dari Kak Ikhwan (@ikhwanhardiman) "Budi kecil kuyup menggigil, menahan dingin tanpa jas hujan di simpang jalan Tugu Pancoran sambil menjajakan koran" Macet. Jalan mana yang masih tampak aspalnya pada sore ini. Semuanya dipenuhi oleh kendaraan yang bergegas pulang, tapi tak bisa bergerak. Pekikan klakson dan deru amarah penghuni ibu kota tak henti-hentinya bertaut-tautan. Seakan-akan kekesalan mereka akan memberi celah untuk mereka bergerak. Yang ada hanya memperkeruh genangan air yang mulai meninggi. Lampu-lampu jalan mulai membiaskan cahayanya. Menerangi sosok kecil kurus kering. Namun kini ia tak lagi kering. Mereka memanggilnya Budi, putus sekolah, tapi tak pernah berhenti belajar. Si Budi kecil kuyup menggigil, menahan dingin tanpa jas hujan di simpang jalan Tugu Pancoran sambil menjajak

This one I made to complete a challenge given by my dear friend Hanna (tumblr: pluienmars). Thank you for always supporting me but still be my pain in the ass.  P.s I finally finished this story with a help of inspiration from my own idol @_ntlmd (instagram), Her artworks always give me a lot of new idea to write.  Merci.  WE DID EXIST I saw her. Looking tiredly while drinking a huge cup of coffee. I wanted to tell her that a hot chocolate might be better for her lonely heart. But her bitter-looking face held my breath. I saw another girl. Her nose scrunched as hard as her life problem. It hit her right in the middle of her eyes that even her own shadow was hiding from her. I got home early today that I was tired of looking at the world. But I found what I always afraid of. My reflection. She just looked as tired as the girl who drank a huge cup of coffee today, and bitter-looking like the girl with thousand of problems. We did exist. The bitter-looking girls, B

I met you when I was eighteen. Everything could happen in your eighteen of age. But, I don't know your story, so I'll tell you mine. In eighteen, I broke someone's heart. I laughed on the first day and cried on the next day. Eighteen weeks after that, I chose you to be my heartbreaker. Maybe someone who could break my heart next. You did. A couple times, hundreds. I counted. But, that's okay because I blew them away once you blew those blueberry juicy smoke to my lips. You broke my heart. Again. Mais, ton sourire moqueur... s'est emparè de mon ceour... But, your pretty smile captured my heart.  Connecting the pieces one by one. I have loved you since I was eighteen. I have fallen for you since our little rendezvous, and I won't stop since then.

Once my father told me, if I ever feel empty I should fill my heart with kindness and calmness will comes towards me. Once I saw you smoking your lungs out, I told you to stop and you blew even more smoke. The smell of the cigars filled the room. "This is how I fill emptiness," You said, You were right. You filled the emptiness of the room. But your eyes reminds empty. You wanted to cry but even the tears won't fill them. You've going through a lot of pain. I see it from yout scars

Minggu 28 April 2013 Keenan, kau bilang kau akan pulang. pukul 10 pagi, tidak kurang, tidak lebih. Pesawatmu akan mendarat di bandara kecil ini pada hari Minggu, 28 April 2013. Dengan senang hati aku menunggumu. Aku juga membawa serta coklat kesukaanmu. Kau selalu pusing sehabis terbang. Pukul 09.47 aku sudah menunggumu, sesekali menjinjit karena pandanganku terhalang oleh tubuh gempal ibu-ibu di depanku. Aku tidak ingin menerobos, si ibu itu pasti juga menunggu orang yang dicintainya. Pukul 10.00 sudah banyak orang berjalan keluar dari pintu kedatangan. menyambut dan disambut oleh orang-orang yang setia menunggu mereka. sekali pun itu, aku belum melihatmu.  Nan, sudah pukul 10.35 apakah kopermu belum datang? Apa kau terlalu pusing hingga harus minum sebotol soda di dalam? Bandara mulai sepi dan kerumunan yang menanti pesawat berikutnya telah datang. Aku mencoba menghubungimu berkali-kali, tapi kau tidak menjawab panggilanku. 19 kali. Nihil. Bahkan nomormu tidak aktif, Kau dima

“I can’t sleep. Again. Help me. I think too much.” She said desperately. I watched her barely breathing, trying to swallow all the oxygen around us. I kept silent. “stop trying.” I said, “you need to let it go sometimes, just like smoking, if you keep the smoke in your mouth, you’ll get a terrible cough.” I continued. “I don’t smoke.” Said she. “that’s a metaphor, you silly.” I brushed her hair. “just like us, we are not real,” “Of course, we are real, our relationship is real, at least my love towards you is real.” She restrained. “I love you.” “sweetheart, if we are real, they could see me, and they won’t laugh at you.” “I’m sorry dear, are you okay? Who are you talking to? Are you lost? What are you doing here alone?” someone interrupted us. “I think it’s time for you to let me go, good night  love.” And I vanished away.

We were talking, I looked at the ceiling, while you told me your problems. I did not know what to say or react. I am afraid if my opinion is the least you wanted to hear. I turned my position against you. In case you could see my colors. It was my turn to tell my deepest guilty pleasure. Hannah Baker killed herself and gave thirteen reasons why she did what she did. I also have more than thirtheen reasons why I hate something enormously. There's always a trigger why and how you did an action. Like how Hannah got rape engender her to cut herself and drowned in her own blood. My trigger to being in a hater club was the impact that changed me into someone I don't want to be. I hate it for that. desperately hate it. It was silence still. you sush me and told me to sleep

I found a new word today, it called EPEOLATRY. Do you know what it means? It means ‘the worship of words’. Don’t you think it is a beautiful word? I would say that I am Epeolatry. Since I fell deeply into words. Words move me, change me, create my thinking. Words control me. Let’s talk about poems. Poems always astonished me, they can show your feelings and fears. They replaced the emptiness with meanings. Like a love of a mother, poems did not show you what they meant. They transfer it to you by touching your heart. Have you ever feel so sorrow after you read that last message he gave you? The one you loved? Or maybe you still loving until the last millisecond I told you? You cried miserably. Your tears won’t stop like a river flows in the cold autumn. You were speechless, not because you’re tongue-tied nor you were run out of words. There were too much words in your mind, your lungs filled with tears, your heart almost exploded. And there you were, writing them and turned them

“ Py, balik yuk. ”                 “ Nanggung Gab, bentar lagi sunrise . ”                 Malam itu kita tidak tidur, sebenarnya aku mengantuk, kau pun juga. Namun, keadaan membuat kita tidak tidur. Semuanya chaos , suasana yang awalnya penuh gelak tawa menjadi masalah yang mempermainkan hati dan perasaan. Hancurnya  kebahagiaan yang awalnya memenuhi percikan cahaya remang api unggun di mata kita. Itulah yang kau rasakan. Bagiku, semuanya terasa berbeda.                 Chaos memang, kacau balau, tanpa ampun. Akan tetapi, semua pengalaman baru ini membuatku memiliki pandangan yang berbeda. Bagaimana bourbon dan amer membuat seseorang memuntahkan semua kata yang membebaninya. Bagaimana pendanganku berubah terhadap gadis perokok yang ternyata seorang teman yang baik dan menyenangkan. Bagaimana aku merasakan rasa aneh dan hangat dari minuman yang ditawarkan oleh ‘ si pembuat onar ’ pada malam itu. Semuanya adalah pengalaman baru bagiku.                 Gab, kau tahu aku sud

There are four boys in this room, one with the long straight hair and play bass. Two with the black t-shirts and one of them is mine. The last one with a hat on and high pitch voice. He is wearing green sweater like today is St. Patrick's day. They are incredibly happy and singing together recklessly. They are not perfect but their happiness is flawless. "Joyeux Anniversaire" to one of them. I was not sure about my feelings toward this birthday boy. But he is growing up. In this moment I realized that how he dressed, or how he looks, or even how he treated other girls before me are not matter. But on how he treats me gently and kiss me goodnight. When he screamed out his happiness when he found me in the middle of the night in his room just to gave him a very little surprise, mean the world to me. Saying I love you It's not the words I want to hear from you It's not that I want you Not to say but if you only knew how easy, it would be to show me how you f

Daun-daun berguguran di sore itu, mungkin memberi pertanda padaku bahwa kau akan pergi. Apakah kacamatamu berembun? Aku tak tahu, yang jelas mataku berkaca-kaca sedari tadi. Aku dilema, diriku terikat janji masa lalu, sedangkan hatiku berjuang untuk tidak terikat padamu. Bahkan aku mengangumimu jauh sebelum aku tahu siapa namamu. Tiga bait nama yang akhirnya menjadi penggalan rasa sakit yang menghujam jantungku.  Daun-daun yang jatuh menjadi tontonan yang jauh lebih menarik ketimbang menatap senyum yang idiosyncratic itu. Sesuatu yang unik karna setiap kali kau tersenyum padaku akhir-akhir ini, senyum itu memberikan sensasi yang berbeda. Derap kaki orang-orang yang mulai meninggalkan tempat persinggahan sementara kita mulai lenyap. Layaknya suaraku yang semakin senyap, aku tergugu, karena keegoisanku yang makin menjadi-jadi.  Apa salahnya kau bahagia, tapi aku ingin akulah yang menjadi sumber kebahagianmu, 

He is not a smoker. But he blew up the smoke from his mouth. His smile was fiding, not because he was not happy, but he wanted to blew the smoke one more time, or twice. He is not a drinker. He doesn't like to be drunk, but he finished his coffee in one shot. It was neither too hot for gis tongue or he is already numb. He blew up the smoke again, "One last time," He said. But I wasn't listening. Because he changed. He wasn't the same person anymore.

I met him once. unexpectedly. Maybe, just maybe that was when he wanted to lend me his shirt. “So you didn’t get cold, but the other guy already lend his to you.” said he. What if it was the indication that we are never belong together? I met him again, it was when I seized his attention. Do you remember that song? The one that I play again and again? Ah, I took a picture of him but he faded away. Once upon a night, we have a picnic, with a cat that lead us to talk. And after that time, there would be 24 more cats we could talk about, all night long. Just because of our “Owly person”  we kept talking until some people adopted those cats and lead us to nothing but oddness.