Midnight Thoughts

I found a new word today, it called EPEOLATRY. Do you know what it means? It means ‘the worship of words’. Don’t you think it is a beautiful word? I would say that I am Epeolatry. Since I fell deeply into words. Words move me, change me, create my thinking. Words control me. Let’s talk about poems. Poems always astonished me, they can show your feelings and fears. They replaced the emptiness with meanings. Like a love of a mother, poems did not show you what they meant. They transfer it to you by touching your heart. Have you ever feel so sorrow after you read that last message he gave you? The one you loved? Or maybe you still loving until the last millisecond I told you? You cried miserably. Your tears won’t stop like a river flows in the cold autumn. You were speechless, not because you’re tongue-tied nor you were run out of words. There were too much words in your mind, your lungs filled with tears, your heart almost exploded. And there you were, writing them and turned them

“ Py, balik yuk. ”                 “ Nanggung Gab, bentar lagi sunrise . ”                 Malam itu kita tidak tidur, sebenarnya aku mengantuk, kau pun juga. Namun, keadaan membuat kita tidak tidur. Semuanya chaos , suasana yang awalnya penuh gelak tawa menjadi masalah yang mempermainkan hati dan perasaan. Hancurnya  kebahagiaan yang awalnya memenuhi percikan cahaya remang api unggun di mata kita. Itulah yang kau rasakan. Bagiku, semuanya terasa berbeda.                 Chaos memang, kacau balau, tanpa ampun. Akan tetapi, semua pengalaman baru ini membuatku memiliki pandangan yang berbeda. Bagaimana bourbon dan amer membuat seseorang memuntahkan semua kata yang membebaninya. Bagaimana pendanganku berubah terhadap gadis perokok yang ternyata seorang teman yang baik dan menyenangkan. Bagaimana aku merasakan rasa aneh dan hangat dari minuman yang ditawarkan oleh ‘ si pembuat onar ’ pada malam itu. Semuanya adalah pengalaman baru bagiku.                 Gab, kau tahu aku sud

There are four boys in this room, one with the long straight hair and play bass. Two with the black t-shirts and one of them is mine. The last one with a hat on and high pitch voice. He is wearing green sweater like today is St. Patrick's day. They are incredibly happy and singing together recklessly. They are not perfect but their happiness is flawless. "Joyeux Anniversaire" to one of them. I was not sure about my feelings toward this birthday boy. But he is growing up. In this moment I realized that how he dressed, or how he looks, or even how he treated other girls before me are not matter. But on how he treats me gently and kiss me goodnight. When he screamed out his happiness when he found me in the middle of the night in his room just to gave him a very little surprise, mean the world to me. Saying I love you It's not the words I want to hear from you It's not that I want you Not to say but if you only knew how easy, it would be to show me how you f

Daun-daun berguguran di sore itu, mungkin memberi pertanda padaku bahwa kau akan pergi. Apakah kacamatamu berembun? Aku tak tahu, yang jelas mataku berkaca-kaca sedari tadi. Aku dilema, diriku terikat janji masa lalu, sedangkan hatiku berjuang untuk tidak terikat padamu. Bahkan aku mengangumimu jauh sebelum aku tahu siapa namamu. Tiga bait nama yang akhirnya menjadi penggalan rasa sakit yang menghujam jantungku.  Daun-daun yang jatuh menjadi tontonan yang jauh lebih menarik ketimbang menatap senyum yang idiosyncratic itu. Sesuatu yang unik karna setiap kali kau tersenyum padaku akhir-akhir ini, senyum itu memberikan sensasi yang berbeda. Derap kaki orang-orang yang mulai meninggalkan tempat persinggahan sementara kita mulai lenyap. Layaknya suaraku yang semakin senyap, aku tergugu, karena keegoisanku yang makin menjadi-jadi.  Apa salahnya kau bahagia, tapi aku ingin akulah yang menjadi sumber kebahagianmu, 

He is not a smoker. But he blew up the smoke from his mouth. His smile was fiding, not because he was not happy, but he wanted to blew the smoke one more time, or twice. He is not a drinker. He doesn't like to be drunk, but he finished his coffee in one shot. It was neither too hot for gis tongue or he is already numb. He blew up the smoke again, "One last time," He said. But I wasn't listening. Because he changed. He wasn't the same person anymore.

I met him once. unexpectedly. Maybe, just maybe that was when he wanted to lend me his shirt. “So you didn’t get cold, but the other guy already lend his to you.” said he. What if it was the indication that we are never belong together? I met him again, it was when I seized his attention. Do you remember that song? The one that I play again and again? Ah, I took a picture of him but he faded away. Once upon a night, we have a picnic, with a cat that lead us to talk. And after that time, there would be 24 more cats we could talk about, all night long. Just because of our “Owly person”  we kept talking until some people adopted those cats and lead us to nothing but oddness.